Call me crazy, but I love the idea of being locked in an underwater cage while sharks circle around me baring razor-like teeth. Although I would love to scribble this crazy fantasy off my I-hope-I-don’t-die bucket list, it would also be a dream-come-true to spend some time in the other Shark Tank. For now, I will settle on watching the show on ABC.

For those of you living in a cave, I am not referring to a show during Shark Week. I never understood the fascination with that series of television specials anyways. However, I do remember watching Jaws for the first time with my family. I was around 12 and still going through the awkward I-wear-a-mouthpiece-at-night stage. I remember my mom saying it was the blockbuster thriller when it came out in 1975 (uh oh mom, I am giving people an idea of your age). Her statement made sense though. The shark came shooting out of the water unexpectedly, and I jumped so high I could have been recruited for the WNBA right then and there. Definitely not my proudest moment.

Going back to Shark Tank, the “sharks” all share some sort of rags to riches story and are now extremely successful millionaires in their respective fields. (Tip to producers – Drake’s “Started from the Bottom Now We Here” would make a great theme song for Season 9. It would be even better if Daymond could rap it while all the other sharks filled his background vocal/dancer positions).

I will help you get acquainted with the six main “sharks” by ranking them from my least-likely-to-make-a-deal-with to top-favorite. Who am I kidding though, I would be lucky to get a deal with any of them!

Although he is not part of the six, I would like to give a quick shout out to Ashton Kutcher. Please come back!

#6: Kevin O’Leary – Just an FYI, I will never call him Mr. Wonderful. I’m not sure how he got that name, for sometimes I  want to scream at the T.V., “Stop with all of the stories!” He can’t pull those analogies out of thin air. He must plot when he’s at home and then store them in his mental arsenal. His redeeming factor is that occasionally  he does have a heart and isn’t so mean. I would love to see how he is at home with his wife. (Side note: Wouldn’t it be super cool if we could secretly videotape in a celebrity’s house? Of course it’s illegal and creepy, but it would be so fascinating.)

#5: Robert Herjavec – Don’t get me wrong. I love Robert, but someone has to take the #5 spot. I love how he is always so open to try whatever new concept comes  into the tank, whether it’s  food or a new device. I give him major props because I would be worried about making  a complete fool of myself. There’s a reason my boyfriend, Adam, calls me his “Clumsy Girl”. I would be the one who tries the special skateboard, collides with the mahogany-colored wall, and then tears my custom-made Prada dress. I’m cringing at the thought, more so about ruining an expensive dress most people could only gawk at as opposed to the scrapes and bruises I would incur. Not only do the sharks get to try so many cool things, but they also get to take home all the sample items! Come on, share the love with us poor people!  

Robert is one of those guys you just want to hug, and that says a lot coming from me. Although I went to college in the South where everyone gets their daily hug quota of 100 in by lunchtime (or should I say “sweet tea time”), I was never one of those touchy-feely people. However, Robert never scores as many deals as the rest of the sharks. I guess in this instance the nice guy really does finish last.

#4 Daymond John – Like Robert, Daymond is also a very likeable guy. Sadly, that’s all I really have to say about him other than he is short. I guess he makes up for his lack in height with FUBU clothes. I will say that Daymond tends to get an extra spark in his eye when women of the darker persuasion strut into the tank. I wonder what his long-time girlfriend thinks of that, especially since they just had a baby. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find a picture of the baby, Minka, on the internet. I guess my blog won’t be turning into a wannabe-People magazine anytime soon. Sorry Daymond, but if you want a higher rank on my list, you need to be more memorable.

#3: Lori Greiner: It slightly pains me to give Lori this spot, but her connection with QVC makes her a potentially great partner for future-entrepreneur Brittany. I appreciate how she can instantly identify whether an item is a “hero or a zero”. In the business world, you need to be decisive and not wishy-wishy; either a concept is good and worth your investment, or it’s not. On the other hand, I find it annoying how she likes to wait until the end to offer a deal and then forces the guest to make a decision right then. In this case, she is NOT saving the best for last. I’m sure it’s the producers’ brilliant plan to add suspense to the show, but it doesn’t change the way I feel about her. She’s the bully on the playground that prevents the other kids from participating. I also think she may have recently got a boob job. Her tight dresses make it impossible not to notice, but that’s none of my business.

#2 Mark Cuban: For most, it’s a love/hate relationship with Mark Cuban, but I definitely fall under the swooning category. What woman wouldn’t like a billionaire who owns a professional sports team? Call me materialistic, but I’m just being honest. With all of his connections, he would be an excellent partner to have… and of course I would try and score once-in-a-lifetime curbside seats for my family (even though they aren’t Dallas fans). The only negative about Mark is his animosity against Robert. It’s probably just an ego thing… Scratch that. Definitely an ego thing when referring to Mark Cuban.

#1 Barbara Corcoran: To tell you how much I like Barbara, I read her book, “Shark Tales: How I Turned $1,000 into a Billion Dollar Business”. This book offered interesting insight and might be of even more interest to readers now, as Barbara discusses her business-rivalry relationship with President Trump. Barbara is fair in all of her deals and is genuinely nice. I rarely disagree with her opinion on the businesses that come into the tank. She would undoubtedly be my top pick, but I would make sure to bring a cute man who is way younger than her to ensure I got the deal! Cougar, anyone?  

Capture 2.PNG

For all of you Shark Tank fans out there, who would you want to make a deal with? Stay tuned for my next post, for I will list some of my favorite companies to have walked into the tank.

The Blog Has Spoken.